Text or not to text.. that is the question..

so last time, i ws talking about this person that i liked.. well im here to do it again.. but this time, its to talk about If I should text them or not.. its been i think two weeks since the facebook message and im wondering if its too soon to write back..? ive been wanting to text them for soooooo long it seems, but idk if its the best thing to do.. i cant stop thinking about them and i cant get my mind to think about other things.. i would love to text them and get a respond from them, but idk if they wanna talk to me.. its important that they wanna talk to me c cause i dont want them to feel obligated to talk to me.. hhahhaha idk if that made any sense at all HAHAHA ohhhhhhhhh well..

wishful thinking

what is wishful thinking? is it hoping that something you want will happen? or is it wishing something you know will never happen happens? or is it both? Dctionary.com defines wishful thinking as: "interpretation of facts, actions, words, etc., as one would like them to be rather than as they really are; imagining as actual what is not."

so it is both.

i messaged a 'close' friend of mine on facebook the other day telling them that i was sorry for not saying bye on the last day of the semester, and that they are someone i could never forget and that i will miss them (TWICE!!). I said " i"ll miss you " two times in the message. the reason as to why i did not say goodbye was because i didnt want to feel anything that would hurt me later on. i didnt want to say good bye because i have very very very strong feelings towards them. but these feelings arent for the right reasons. these are surface feelings that have rooted themselves to my heart. they have made me obsessed with them, made me go through pain and suffering. this ONE person made me realize that i am in fact, i hate to say this, a shallow person. wow.. im baring my soul lol.. BUT back on track here.. ive been waiting for six days now.. SIX DAYS for this person to reply. I know they must have read it because they are accepting friends! they either dont feel the need to reply because i dont have a little one (1) on the envelope thinggy on my Facebook home page. THEY DIDN'T EVEN SEND A TEXT! what does this say?! does this say that i told them too mcuh in the message? impossible. i kept it short and to the point so that my TRUE feelings wont be portrayed. maybe i should have said bye when the semester ended and saved myself all this.. this.. hurt.

back on board

HELOO BLOGGER :D

im back on board and trying to keep this up :)

wish me luuuuuuuck :D

FAIL

oh gosh.. i feel like a failure.. i fell for someone based on their looks and not for who they are. i don't know this person at all and yet, i fell for her because she is beautiful. 

the heart and mind are lost

What if it cant be done? yeah, no one said that it would be fun, but with all the fights and tears, what am i going to do with all my fears? this heart and mind are trying to find what it is they need and to find the lead. finding it but not falling because then i'll be lying on the floor balling. each one can only handle a certain amount but enough so that i can no longer count as strong as i am, i can break with a small 'bam' sometimes breaking down is needed because i think that He can't hear what i pleaded. as much as i know that that is a lie its enough to make this numb man cry this is all in my heart I'm letting it out because its tearing me apart my heart and mind are both naive all i can do is hope that soon, they will believe.

who?

i should learn from what i say

i should learn to sometimes obey

there were words that i once spoke

words that were to not be taken as a joke

i spoke them to a friend

they were strong so they could not bend

there is someone you need to find

someone who is not blind

someone who can see

that somone will fill you with glee

they wont run from you like a coward

they'll make you clean like you just showered

trust is the thing that gets in our way

its something words can not portray

you found someone whom you can tell

of all the places where you fell

there's a wall that stands in front of me

its so big that i can not see

who can i tell my heart to

without having to worry about them saying aduie

the choice

the hardest thing is right in front of me.

the hardest thing is finding out of that girl is 'she'.

the hardest thing is finding out if its true.

the hardest thing is fighting being blue.

when will i figure it out?

this confusion makes me want to shout.

there is only so much i can take

before the shell im in will break.

i've been at this road for far too long

and i've even listened to his song.

i cry when i hear the lyric

i need to be careful with what i pick.